Memoirs of two hearts...

How I wished I didn't looked back. Now it was drizzling and it's getting late. But it's like moment like this when we just have to let our hearts speak before the long kept hidden emotions destroy us within.

How I wish I didn't went back but I did. And if I didn't, I will surely regret it. Anyway, he was already right behind me ready to hold me back just in time when I turned around. And as I turned around, I was met by the warmth of his embrace.

That's it, my arms lost strength and will to break free. Sometimes I hate it when he hugs me. Once I'm in his arms, I don't want to let go. But I know someday I have to. And that day have to be now. He had already given me up, I think it's now time to give him up too. I have done my part. Enough. His grip was tight but it only took me a gentle push for him to loosen his hold.

He was trying to look straight into my eyes. I bowed down. Sooner or later I know tears will fall. I don't want him to see me crying. I want to let him think that I'm hard as stone. But he held me in the chin and was lifting my face. I can't resist and I don't know why.

I'm sorry....

He said again. How many times would he have to say that? And how many times do I have to ask him what are apologies for when they can't rewind the past or take back the tears and the pain?

But what power does one's eyes could possess? I want to hate him. But I can't and I do not want. The sincerity in his eyes was evinced through those clear tears. I was seeing right through him and he was doing the same too. It was dissolving every bit of pain I feel. I can't take the tension anymore. I diverted my eyes but everything's becoming blurry. The only thing that was clear to me was him.

She was killing herself because she wants me to feel guilty about choosing you over her. Her family was threatening me. They all said they would kill me if I hurt her again. That's why I suddenly left you. I don't want to hurt you but I know it will so I chose the least painful way. That's why I cut out our connections and never said a word to you why I did so..

The drizzle turned to rain just in time with the droplets from my eyes. He was sobbing and it makes me cry even more to see him like that.

And I was already crying too. Every tears that fall stops me from saying a word. It was getting hard to speak up while trying to hold back my emotions. All the pain and misery I had tried to bury in the last two weeks were now bursting out.

But why didn't you stand up for me? You said you love me so much, but why did you chose her over me?

And there I was gripping him by the shoulders with firm hands.

You're really just a plain coward, huh? If you really love me you should have the strength to stand up for me!

Now I felt my anxiety flowing down my veins into my arms and into my hands. I was shaking him frustratingly.

Why?

Now it was his turn to avoid my eyes. I was still holding him in the shoulders as we stood just about a foot away under the rain. We're drenched with tears and emotions. I have been dying to hear from him again. But now how I wished I didn't hear why he suddenly left me. Ignorance is bliss.

I held his chin to lift his gaze to meet mine. I can see tell in his face which are raindrops or which are tears. I can read from the way his lips were moving that he was still saying sorry. But I don't care about the apologies. That's not what I need to hear.

Why didn't you fight for me?

You know what hurts the most?

I was still stammering. I took a deep breath and tried to gain control over my tears. It took me time to redeem myself to speak. There was a long pause. Between sobs, I finally managed to tell what I want to say.

What hurts the most....

the worst part of it all was....

It's knowing that I wasn't even worth fighting for...